The Substitute
by Telturwen
Summary: Hogwarts’ Defense professor is out and Dumbledore needs a standin for a few days. The only problem is that the one person willing to do it is Sirius Black.


**The Substitute**

Dumbledore raised his voice to get the message across firmly. Also, there was a slight echo in the room and he didn't want anyone to be confused by hearing him twice.

"You are all brilliant witches and wizards."

The room filled with applause as if he were giving some sort of commencement speech. "I know you are quite busy at the moment, but I am in need of a favor. Is anyone able to teach at Hogwarts for a few days while our current Defense Against the Dark Arts professor is away for a family emergency?"

Until now, the room had been buzzing with conversation. It came to an abrupt halt at their leader's invitation. It was obvious he had asked the wrong bunch of magical persons for this kind of favor. They were all brilliant, yes, and talented, but they had no experience in handling children. And what was more, he had just assigned a large amount of missions to these members. He would have asked Lily Potter straight off, but she was eight months pregnant at the moment and in no condition whatsoever to travel. Emilia Vance had been away on an Order mission for several days and he had had no choice but to assign a few of his brightest to this highly dangerous new mission. One could never be too careful when dealing with giants.

"Caradoc?" asked Dumbledore, smiling at the victimized wizard.

"I—I have personal matters to attend this week and next, Dumbledore. Very sorry."

He waved a hand. "No trouble. Hope you are well." His blue eyes searched the room. "Remus?"

Remus looked from left to right in bafflement. "You've just assigned me to the watch, sir."

"Oh, yes! Apologies," he said sincerely. How could he have forgotten? Desperation was sinking in. "James?"

James looked stricken, as though he had just been slapped across the face. "Lily's been—well, there are—" He stumbled to make an excuse. Finally, he managed to make a coherent and reasonable argument. "Really shouldn't be leaving her alone right now."

Dumbledore's eyes were drawn to the raised hand of Sirius as it shot into the air beside his babbling friend. "Do you have a question, Sirius?"

His hand lowered quickly and he smiled. "No. I'd like to sub…for the professor. Volunteering, you know. It doesn't seem as though anyone else is willing."

"_You_ want to—" Dumbledore heaved a giant breath of air as Sirius nodded. He pulled his robes together tightly and tilted his head. "All right. Thank you, Sirius. Please stay a moment. The rest of you are free to go."

Everyone filed out of the room and Sirius was standing in front of him, looking expectant.

"This is a very serious job," Dumbledore reminded him, a stern look on his face. "If there is any unusual behavior issued from your classes, Sirius, I will be sufficiently upset. I know some teachers have used unorthodox methods before, but I would appreciate if you could keep things fairly simple in your time as a substitute. Do you think you can handle that?"

"Of course, Dumbledore!" said Sirius, taking the esteemed wizard's hand and shaking it firmly. "You'll hear of no goofing off in my classroom."

"I _do_ hope I find that true."

- - - - -

Sirius ran through the halls, his four legs scrambling around corners to keep ahead of the new caretaker, which wasn't too difficult. After almost knocking over a suit of armor, tearing down a tapestry and running right through the Bloody Baron, he thought Filch would be satisfyingly tired and turned down the first floor corridor where his classroom was located. Making sure Filch was still beyond the corner, Sirius transformed into his human self and walked through the door to his room.

"Professor!" he heard called from a rasping caretaker away down the hall. Sirius gave his students a small apologetic look and then held up his index finger, stepping out into the hall again.

"Yes, Mr. Filch?" he asked in a professional matter, not even knowing how he was holding his tongue in to keep it from lolling out of his mouth. Heaving in giant breaths and almost doubling over as he spoke, Filch asked, "Have you seen…a…giant, black…dog recent…recently?"

Sirius looked as though he were trying to remember the last five minutes scrupulously. "A giant, black dog? No, I can't say that I've seen one. Terribly sorry I can't be of more help, Mr. Filch."

After a moment, the caretaker lifted himself and pushed his body to run back down the way he had come. When he turned, Sirius had a wide grin on his face. Once he walked into the room, however, the grin was replaced by a pleasant smile. His hand went to his hair to smooth it out and he heard several girlish sighs. Surprised, and oddly pleased, with this reaction, he went to the front of the class and turned to survey the students.

He had worn his best and most boring robes, as Remus had been sure they would be perfect for teaching in. He had to do a _little_ something to stand out from the crowd of other professors, though, so he charmed the robes to change color from red to green to yellow to blue when they shimmered in the light. Many students had been fascinated by this, some asking why he chose all the house colors. He had replied that he was a neutral professor and that all houses were welcome to their own impression. He had also whispered to a small Hufflepuff second year that he had almost forgotten the green, which made her giggle furiously.

It was almost unnerving how many girls he counted batting eyelashes at him. It also made him wonder how unattractive the male population must have become since he'd left the school. He felt bad for all the boys he passed by that glared at him. It's not like he could help it.

"So, hello," he said, looking over the fourth years that filled the desks. "I'll be filling in for Professor Gambit, who is attending to personal matters. You can call me Professor Black, since Dumbledore would prove to be a bit snippy if you called me anything else."

He winked and was almost blinded by the smiles of the four girls sitting in the first row.

"Now, down to business…"

"Aren't you a bit young to be a professor?" asked a disgruntled boy sitting in the back. He was a fairly handsome young man, so Sirius understood his need to be protective of the territory he had already marked his own.

"Well, firstly, mister…?"

"Blane."

"Mr. Blane," he continued, with a little edge to his voice, "I am _not_ a professor. I'm _filling in_ for one. Secondly, raise your hand." It took all he had to conceal his look of satisfaction as the boy crossed his arms and slouched in his chair, defeated. "Now, Professor Gambit left a lesson plan somewhere, but I'm not sure—"

He watched as sixteen hands rose simultaneously into the air, only two of which belonged to boys (and they hurriedly lowered them as soon as they realized their error).

"Yes?" he said, pointing to a girl in the second row who looked about ready to burst. "Weston, is it?"

He tried not to look like he'd seen her sneer in triumph at the disappointed girls surrounding her before she answered him. "All the important papers are in the left drawer of Professor Gambit's desk."

"Thank you," he said and turned around to retrieve the plan, fighting his urge to 'wing it'. He was only following the plan because of what Dumbledore had asked him to do two days before. _That was the only reason_, he kept telling himself.

He glanced over the crumpled piece of parchment in disgust at how boring its contents were. When he'd been in Defense lessons, at least his teachers let them fool around with their wands once a day. This Gambit fellow would have his students reciting curses and answering question like they were taking an oral exam. He felt the need to retch, but repressed it before anyone could see the revulsion on his face.

"Well, apparently," he said, clearing his throat, "you've been discussing the more dangerous curses lately, correct? So, this should be easy for you: who can name all three Unforgivable Curses?" Hands rose throughout the room, but Sirius' eyes were fixed on the doorway. "Please excuse me for a moment."

He walked out of the room and almost instantly encountered Dumbledore's strict-looking face staring at him from across the hall. How he had known the headmaster was waiting for him he hadn't a clue, but that in itself was unnerving—even without looking at the seriousness of his expression.

"Yes, sir?"

Dumbledore placed his hands behind his back and hooked them, stepping a few inches closer to Sirius. "Argus has informed me of a rather large dog running about the castle."

"I've already informed Mr. Filch that I've seen no such—"

"But I am not asking you if you have already seen the dog, Sirius," Dumbledore said, his piercing blue eyes baring into his own grey ones. "I will ask you to please take care of the dog if you see it again. Argus is unable to do so himself, being…challenged in some areas of magic."

He hadn't even hinted that specifically or put any emphasis on any phrases in his command, but it was obvious that he knew of the man's 'abilities', for lack of a better word.

"Of course, Headmaster," Sirius replied, masking the anger and annoyance he felt welling inside his gut as Dumbledore turned away from him.

_Ruining my fun_, he thought sullenly. _Not letting me do anything out of the ordinary, making me follow a plan—bloody torture_. He stopped mumbling when he re-entered the room, but he still had on a sour expression.

"Yes?" he said, pointing at one of the closest students who still had his hand raised.

"Imperious, Cruciatus and the Killing Curse, sir."

Sirius slumped into Gambit's chair with narrowed eyes, staring at the notes on the desk without really looking at them. _Stupid, ruddy plan._ "Good. Practice those."

- - - - -

"Professor, where are your robes?"

Sirius' mouth twitched, barely noticeable. He was still bitter about the ordeal. He had to shed his unique multi-colored robes simply because they were 'distracting the students'—or so said McGonagall. Rebelliously, their replacement was a crappy-looking, royal blue suit. He never felt like an authority figure in any of his clothes, so it didn't quite matter what he wore.

Re-teaching his sixth years useful protection spells the next day, which would help to block dark magics, was a lot easier than he thought it would be. He spoke briefly of Legilimens and told them how practical Occlumency was. Everyone was good at disarming, and he was grateful that he didn't have to reinstruct anyone on the most boring spell. There was one blond girl, however, who was having trouble with the Shielding Charm, becoming very frustrated by it.

"You have to flick your wrist slightly when you say the incantation," he told her and waved her on to practice again. She over-dramatized the movement and her wand flung out of her hand. "Try again. A little less flick this time."

She lessened the movement a fraction and the end result was the same.

Sirius gave a small sigh and stepped closer to her. He felt bad for the girl if she couldn't even conjure up a decent shield. He put his hand over her wand and guided her hand to show her the right movement. When he stepped back, she turned to smile at him. Again, he waved her on, telling her silently to proceed, but she didn't even flick her wand this time when she said, "_Protego!_"

Her cheeks flushed at his look of disappointment.

"I think I might need some extra help, professor," she said sweetly.

"Just…keep practicing," he said in an encouraging sort of way. He turned around, but couldn't keep his eyes from widening in shock. So _that_ was why she sucked so badly. He would not be doing any more hands-on teaching, that was certain.

"All right, everyone, back to your seats. I need a volunteer."

Almost every hand went up, and Sirius was pleased with himself for making Professor Gambit's boring-ass lessons interactive. The students actually _wanted _to come to his class, which was more, he knew, than this Gambit bloke could say.

He picked one of the girls in the back, Geller. When she walked up to the front of the class, Sirius took his wand out from his back pocket and scratched his temple with it subconsciously.

"Being sixth years, you've all learned to duel, yes?" He saw a few vigorous nods. He bowed to the girl and watched to make sure she did the same. He held up his wand, stepped away and turned around. Geller was only a step behind him. The mock-professor held his wand above his head and spread his legs a little to weigh out his balance. When the girl got into position, she quickly shot a silent spell at the teacher, but Sirius lazily waved his wand across the spell's path and it dissipated in the air.

"No, no, no," he said in careless reprimand. "I don't believe I said we were going to duel. I asked if you knew _how_."

Sirius hid his smile well as he enchanted Geller's vacated chair to zip to the front of the room, knock her off her feet and zip back to the desk, girl in tow.

"Can I have a volunteer who is willing to be instructed?"

The next student, O'Conner, was a lot more cooperative, but this was mostly due to the fact that he hadn't wanted to volunteer in the first place. His friend had raised _his_ hand for him and old habits kicked in for Sirius. They moved into their positions and Sirius said, "I want you to hit me with a defensive spell—one that we've been practicing—as hard as you can. Knock my wand out of my hand, blind me, use a defensive charge, I don't care, but I want you to put as much force into the spell as possible. I want to fly across the room, all right?"

The boy looked absolutely terrified. His eyes were as wide as if he'd just seen a boggart.

"C'mon," Sirius said, bracing himself. "It won't do to be shy about it." He shot a spell past the boy's ear, making him freeze on spot, wincing. "Let's go, O'Conner, I want to fly! Now!" he shouted, raising his wand as if to attack.

"_Expelliarmus!_" the boy bellowed, no doubt surprising every one of his classmates.

Sirius was expecting the blow to be strong, but he still fell backwards, skidding across the wooden floorboards. Gasps emitted from half the students watching when he hit the floor and everyone waited in complete silence. The attacker stood anchored to his spot, shaking.

"Wonderful!" said Sirius, jumping up to his feet and brushing off his suit. He saw everyone exhale in relief as he retrieved his wand. "That was excellent. _That_ is what I want to see more of. You're all too uptight about using your spells. If you're too afraid of hurting your partner, you shouldn't be in this class."

After that, Sirius released them from the lesson. As they left, he heard a brazen redhead comment about how 'Professor Black likes it rough.' He pretended as though he didn't hear, because he did _not_ want to spend an hour of detention with her alone.

- - - - -

At breakfast the next day, he finally plucked up the courage to sit at the staff table. Dumbledore asked him how his classes were going and he said all was well and fed him a corny line about how much he now appreciated his old teachers. The headmaster then asked him if he had seen any sign of that pesky black dog yet. There was a twinkle of mischief in the old man's eye when Sirius said he had disposed of it.

"I'm glad," said Dumbledore. "And I thought you'd like to know that there is a meeting in two days. Professor Gambit will be returning by then, so the Defense post will no longer require your services."

Sirius masked the relief he felt of being relieved with a smile. "Excellent."

"Not tired of teaching, are you, professor?"

"No, no," Sirius said. "I'm just tired of teaching."

Dumbledore laughed. "And this has nothing to do with your ever-growing popularity with a certain portion of the student body, has it?"

"No. It has more to do with all the restrictions placed on me."

"Yes," said the headmaster, nodding in understanding. "I hear those can be quite hazardous for a Black."

"You have no idea."

- - - - -

Classes came and went more quickly now that Sirius knew he would be off the hook soon. It was easier to ignore the advances and the jibes aimed at him and mostly he didn't care enough to reprimand anyone. Any other teacher would have had half his class in detention by now, but Professor Black was on the edge of being carefree. He taught. He wasn't paid for overtime.

Sirius woke up quite cheerful the next day, almost skipping to his last class _ever_. Gambit was supposed to be in by the second. He packed up the three possessions that he'd brought with him to the school into a bag and set it at the side of the classroom door.

"It has been a pleasure teaching you," Sirius announced at the end of the lesson, flashing one last charming smile to the four girls at the front. The rest pouted, but the boys looked pleased to see him go.

When the students filed out of the room, Sirius took one last look around before he picked up his bag and headed off down the hall. Passing by Peeves, he shot him a quick glare as he turned down a corridor. Trailing behind the ghost, Sirius heard the gleeful tune he'd had to listen to all week long.

_But see that Black has come back._

_Heads be sure kept quiet the fact._

_What girl's skirt is he under now?_

_Has he changed his ways? Ha! How?_

The poltergeist laughed in delight and flew through a tapestry, intent on disturbing it from its century of motionlessness. At first, Sirius didn't think it would move. He watched it teeter slightly and then a ripple was sent through it. He pulled his wand out of his back pocket so fast he hadn't even realized making the reflex. He aimed it directly at the tapestry and it shuttered, but didn't move.

"Nice catch."

Sirius looked behind him and found that he was smirking. A beautiful brunette with piercing brown eyes stood there with a suitcase, staring at him. He suddenly realized where she was walking towards with a suitcase and the truth hit him like a Bludger to the gut.

He hung the tapestry carefully back on its rods and turned around to face her. "Professor Gambit?"

"Indeed," she confirmed shortly.

"I'm a huge fan," he said, smacking himself mentally for what he was about to say.

"Is that so?" She eyed him carefully, and asked, "What for?"

"Mostly body work," he replied, a mischievous grin forming across his mouth.

To his utter astonishment, she smiled in response. "What's your name?"

"Sirius Black," he said, holding out a hand. "I subbed your classes while you were away."

"Well, I suppose thanks are in order," she said, then looked down the hall to her classroom. "Would you care to join me for a cup of tea before second lesson? I'd like to know what you've been teaching my students."

"Of course."

Well, now it was obvious why the young lads had hated him so much.

- - - - -

Sirius sauntered into headquarters that evening a half an hour late to the meeting, but clearly untroubled. He went immediately to the back where James and Peter were waiting for him. Peter looked like he had an itch but didn't want to scratch it.

"What's wrong with him?"

"Dumbledore's been talking about all the important things first, and Pete's had to go to the bathroom since the beginning. Anyways, what took you so long? I thought you left hours ago."

"Well, I just came, didn't I?" said Sirius, trying to see over the shoulder of a rather large man in front of him.

James nudged him. "So? How was Hogwarts?"

Sirius turned his head to show a toothy grin. "James, I still rule that school."

* * *

**A/N: **I appreciate anything you have to say, so please review! 


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